Britsoc: The British Society of Amsterdam and the Netherlands. Serving the British Expat community since 1920.

The dumb, sad, lonely life of a hacker

The dumb, sad, lonely life of a hacker

By John Richardson

Some of you may have noticed that the Britsoc site has been hacked on a daily basis and closed down frequently since Britain voted to pull out of the EU.

We do apologise for any inconvenience caused.

I think the timing is coincidental as I have no real hard evidence to prove a conspiracy. Also, I’m not a conspiracist. I fail to see far distant and out of focus images as hard evidence that a greater intelligence has taken over the planet. Or that we are not alone because some people can see the legs of Elvis on a rock on Mars.

Screenshot 2016-07-09 18.30.09
What I do know is that the hackers live in South Korea, China, Russia, Turkey, Ukraine, Germany, and the United States. And while they possess some scarily sophisticated hacking tools at their disposal, I have concluded after much research that hackers are a sad, lonely, dumb version of the human race. Like UFOs, they are also out of focus and can only  be seen from a great distance. Some conspiracists, however, give hackers greater credibility than they deserve. The reality is that their only purpose in life is to high-five each other when a site goes down. This is a game to them. Or ‘gamification’ in their sad, depressing language.

Nevertheless, their gaming tools are breathtakingly futuristic
Which is frightening because it’s exacly like giving a monkey a button that will render our species permanently extinct. It’s only a matter of time before they shut down the world. Annihilating their lizard brain carcases in the process.

So we have hired the best there is to hide and protect our site behind an equally sophisticated firewall. From here we can see who is attacking us.

Here are some of the comments from behind the wall:

Hackers just tried to secretly plant malicious nasty (viruses, malware, control tools, etc.) on to your website. We have blocked them and kept your website and its visitors safe.

An attempt by hackers to exploits any insufficient security validation in your website. A real nasty and sneaky one from them! Don’t worry we stopped them in their tracks.

Final word from a little old lady

My final word for you hackers is from a little old lady who sits across the street on her porch—I told her all about your dumb asses—and she had this to say to you.

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On a personal note this is time that I can never get back. Time that you have stolen from my life.  So put your underpants and trousers back on, flush those tissues down the toilet, and walk outside and talk to somebody. Get a life and stop trying to ruin ours. Of course, many of you are beyond help. But maybe there is hope for at least one of you.