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Joke of the Month | Nov 2015

Joke of the Month | Nov 2015

Alison

By Alison Smith

Three blondes

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Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.
The instructor conducting the interview looked at the three of them, and said, “So y’all want to be cops, huh?”
The three blondes all nodded.
The instructor got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, “To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities, like scars and so forth.”
So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.
“Now,” he said, “did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?”
The blonde immediately said, “Yes, I did. He has only one eye!”
The detective shook his head and said, “Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It’s a side profile of his face! You’re dismissed!”
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said, “What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?”
“Yes! He only has one ear!”
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, “Didn’t you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a side profile of the man’s face! Of course you can only see one ear! You’re excused too!”
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, “This is probably a waste of time, but….” He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, “All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?”
The blonde said, “I sure did. This man wears contact lenses. ”
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, “You’re absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?”
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, “Well, Hellooooooooooooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can’t wear glasses.”

 

The lawyer

The lawyer says to the wealthy art collector tycoon: “I have some good
news and, I have some bad news….”
The tycoon replies: “I’ve had an awful day, let’s hear the good news first.”
The lawyer says: “Well your wife invested €50,000 in two pictures this
week that she figures are worth a minimum of €20 to €30 million.”
The tycoon replies enthusiastically: “Well done…very good news indeed!
You’ve just made my day; now what’s the bad news?”
The lawyer answers: “The pictures are of you with your secretary.”

 

 

An Engineer or a Doctor?

An Engineer was unemployed for long time. He could not find a job
so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: “Get your
treatment for €500, if not treated get back €1,000.”

One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn €1,000 and goes
to his clinic.

Doctor: “I have lost taste in my mouth.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops
in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor: “This is Gasoline!”

Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be €500.”

The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later
to recover his money.

Doctor: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops
in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor: “But that is Gasoline!”

Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will
be €500.”

The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

Doctor: “My eyesight has become weak.”

Engineer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for this. Take
this €1,000.”

Doctor: “But this is €500…”

Engineer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back!

That will be €500.”